STEWART: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest diva train wreck of them all? In our number one story on the COUNTDOWN, it does seem that as the year ends, there‘s competition for this title between Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. On this particular day, call it a toss-up. Well, you can decide, but since her disastrous performance and questionable costume choice at the Video Music Awards, Ms. Spears has found a way to look good on stage: the magic of video. Her latest for her new single “A Piece of Me.”
BRITNEY SPEARS (singing): Oh yeah, oh yeah,
I‘m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don‘t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines,
They still gonna put pictures
of my derriŠre in the magazine.
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me.
STEWART: “The Daily Telegraph” suggests that Ms. Spears went on the digital re-mastering diet where an editor‘s way to clear you all. But as she may look in the new video, apparently not enough for “American Idol”. That show‘s executive producer Nigel Lythgoe telling tmz that he would have had Ms. Spears on his show last year but not now. Quoting here, “Britney, at this moment in time, I don‘t think is well enough to do anything. I think she should pull herself together.”
“Pull herself together” like, Paula Abdul? And, hey, didn‘t she go on that video diet thing back in the ‘90s? I remember “Promise of a New Day” people. Meanwhile, Ms. Spears‘ allegedly on-again-off-again crush music producer J. R. Rotem has now hooked up with Lindsay Lohan to work on Lohan‘s new album. But, a dinner date has spawned obvious rumors and, if he‘s looking for a daddy figure, who could blame La Lohan? Her father Michael will participate in a live Nativity scene in New York‘s Times Square tomorrow, playing Joseph. Yes, you heard me.
Which brings us to Paris—Hilton that is. She recently checked into the Hilton in London, that is, with 12 bags, also according to TMZ. And, she says that for Christmas, all she wants is, quote, “a man to fall in love with.” So, he can carry her bags—we added that part. Let‘s bring in comedian Christian Finnegan, also a contributor to VH-1‘s “Best Week Ever”. Hi, Christian!
CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN, COMEDIAN AND CONTRIBUTOR TO BEST WEEK EVER: Hi, Alison!
STEWART: So, Ms. Spears‘ video “Piece of Me”, she‘s looking good.
Could it be a Christmas miracle? Could she be back on her game?
FINNEGAN: Oh, she‘s on her game but, let‘s be honest, it‘s not the world‘s most complicated game, is it? Kind of like peek-a-boo or who‘s got your nose. But she did make it through a video shoot without incident so, let‘s give credit where credit is due: her pharmacist.
STEWART: Let me tell you, I like that you look at the bright side of things. But you have to enter in Mr. “American Idol” producer man who seems to suggest that Ms. Spears is not mentally aware, shall we say? Is he a caring music mentor or an evil music industry type?
FINNEGAN: I don‘t know, but can we stop treating the “American Idol” guy like he‘s the King Solomon of popular American music? Hey, hey, listen up, Nigel: the only thing different between you and the guy who runs karaoke night at Hula Hans(ph) is you don‘t have to hand out the songbooks and mention the drink specials. So, let‘s get off the high horse, OK bloke?
STEWART: OK, we‘ve spoken about her profession so let‘s just go personal: Ms. Spears not faring any better in her custody battle with Kevin Federline. Is there some kind of inverse relationship between Ms. Spears‘ sort of re-emerging career and her pretty much disintegrating personal life?
FINNEGAN: Yes, it does sometimes seem that every spot on the pop charts represents one canceled family dinner at mommy‘s house. But can you blame her? Have you ever spent time around children, Alison? They‘re awful. They‘re needy, they‘re boring, they can‘t hold their liquor. You‘re telling me, you wouldn‘t trade that for a prime seat at the “People‘s Choice Awards”? I guess not.
STEWART: You make a point. To Ms. Lohan: then, it‘s a matter of let‘s jump to her father here. Because, we got a press release saying her Dad was going to be honored to play the biblical character Joseph, but Christian—no pun intended, that is your real name—can you wrap your head around the father of a car-wrecking rehab-going sort of child star who hasn‘t made a movie in dog‘s year playing the father of Christ?
FINNEGAN: I‘ll admit, it does sound tacky until you realize that it is just part of Fox‘s hit new reality show, “Nativity with the Stars”. That‘s right. They‘ve got Latoya Jackson as the Blessed Virgin. They have Daniel Baldwin, Terry Bradshaw, and the “Mambo Number Five” guys, the wise men and, for Baby Jesus, I‘ll say, there‘s an offer out for Verne Troyer.
STEWART: I don‘t know, I think it‘s got to be Zac Efron for that one, I think. This almost makes Paris Hilton seem quaint in her settle to search down. Lohan going out with Britney Spears‘ ex, “the father thing”. She says all she wants is a man to fall in love with for her life, that she can, quote, “start a family with.” You think Hilton‘s ready to become a mommy?
FINNEGAN: Well, I think she‘s ready. The question is, will Paris remember to put the stork on the VIP list for whatever crappy nightclub is paying her to drink that night? As you know, most upscale clubs have a strict no stork policy, a fire code thing.
STEWART: All right, as Christmas is approaching, who is naughty and nice out of this list?
FINNEGAN: Well, I‘ll say, all three of them, obviously, they don‘t really fear getting coal put in their stockings because, if TMZ has taught us one thing about these women, they‘re not wearing any.
STEWART: Case and point. Christian Finnegan, comedian and regular contributor to VH-1‘s “Best Week Ever.” Thanks, man.
See Related Video Here:
Keith Olbermann Stuff From 2007 and Earlier
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